Saturday, 4 October 2008

Expecting Thomas (Early Days #1)

Get It Down; 31 for 21

Of my 4 pregnancies (my 1st ended in miscarriage...), the 9-and-a-bit months during which I carried Thomas were the most straightforward. I was the most relaxed, and the happiest, and that's saying something...! I do not 'do' pregnancy very well, and hope to never, ever have to endure another one. Ever.

But this one was different, in that it was 'ordinary'; this may sound a bit strange, but it makes total sense really: with Sam, I was a nervous, chocolate-addicted wreck, and always expecting to miscarry! With Ben, I was depressed, and in constant pain and discomfort... I am pretty certain that the mother's emotional 'state' in pregnancy has a direct impact on the child's disposition later in life, and I can verify this first-hand; Sam and Ben are incredibly highly strung, while Thomas is pretty laid-back and 'happy-go-lucky' most of the time. Incidentally I wonder whether the reverse is also true, and whether the child's personality, which is God-given at conception, might have an effect on the mother's mood during pregnancy.
*Hmmm.... Interesting thought. Note to self: Maybe I could research this in a bit more depth when I eventually start my midwifery??*

In any case, expecting Thomas was fairly 'textbook' and enjoyable. Here is an entry taken from my diary, written in May 2002: "over the last 2 years or so I have discovered 3 ways of keeping depression at bay - spend time reading the Bible, praying and worshipping God; keep busy, get 'out'; and get pregnant! Although this is only temporary and has downsides to it..., it feels pretty great." It seems astounding to me, now, that this is how I felt, 6 months into my 2nd pregnancy! That I should see pregnancy as an antidote to being 'down'!
And this was to characterise the next few months as well, as I came to full-term, delivered, and started to get to know my Thomas. My experience during this time was one of joy, purpose, and contentedness. I remember it as a time in my life when I was anything but depressed. And this, believe it or not, continued well after Tom's diagnosis...

2 comments:

Jenene said...

I'm so blessed by your blog, and I'm glad you are sharing this story. I can't wait to read more!

Jessie said...

wow...looking back do you feel God was preparing your heart for what was to come? To me it seems that that must be the case - what a neat testimony to having peace in a "storm"...by the way I am so glad you are doing the 31 for 21 cause I love having the chance to get to know your family a little better :o)